These Strange Conditions
by Neamh
Summary: Brooke. Lucas. And their past mistakes. [“I just wanted you to know,” she whispered, nearly choking on her tears. “You— you are my first and probably only love, Lucas Scott. And if you don’t believe me, t—that’s fine too."]
1. Prologue

_I want to tell you something  
That I should've, long ago  
I wish that you and I had those kids  
Maybe bought us that home  
I wish that we were stumbling fast  
Down on Irving and 14th street  
I wish that we were still in your room  
In your bed and you were holding me_

_Ryan Adams, Somehow, Someday_

**These Strange Conditions**

**Prologue: **When We Were Young

"_I'm pregnant."_

As soon as the words escaped her lips, she could see the look of horror that crossed Lucas' handsome features. She fought a wave of nausea that threatened to overtake her. A part of her cheered for her honesty, she has been debating whether or not she should tell him for days. But tonight, a night that she promised herself that she would try and forget everything— including her broken heart and the subsequent betrayal of the only two people she had ever let into her life.

She was tired of being the vindictive bitch. Especially now, when her life was about to be drastically altered... She was responsible now for another human life.

"Is it mine?"

She winced at his scathing reply. She deserved that. She swallowed back her rising tears. "I haven't been with anyone else, Lucas. Even after— tonight was supposed to be the night where I'd start to _force _myself to forget you."

He seemed surprised at her choice of words, his gaze intense. He was giving her that look, the one where she became virtually transparent before him. She hated when he did this and often found herself battling to fight him. She wasn't perfect like Peyton.

"I know I hurt you, Brooke," he began, stepping off the picnic table.

_No_, her mind screamed. She knew exactly what he was going to tell her. She unconsciously backed away, her hand lowering protectively over her stomach. Suddenly, Lucas was becoming like everyone else in her life, using _her_ as justification to leave.

"But how could you be—"

"You need to here me out," she interrupted, surprised at the growing strength of her voice despite her conflicting emotions.

"Brooke—" Lucas tried to reach for her.

She wrenched herself away from his grasp. "No! You _need_ to listen to me. Let me tell the truth for once in my life."

Brooke struggled to stand her ground with Lucas' close proximity. "I just wanted you to know," she whispered, nearly choking on her tears. "You— you are my _first_ and probably only love, Lucas Scott. And if you don't believe me, t—that's fine too. But I would have spent the rest of my life hating the fact that I kept this from you."

He said nothing and was completely unreadable to her. She desperately tried to search for something, anything— some sign that could let her know that he understood. She was greeted by nothing but silence.

"Okay then," she spoke quietly, pulling her jacket closer to her body for some comfort. She struggled with her quiet sobs. "Then I'll give y—you what you want Lucas. All ties are broken. Be happy with Peyton."

She turned to leave and like everything else in her life, she never looked back.

TBC

**A/N:** Don't worry. I'm not abandoning **the Makings of a Resolution**, I'm actually working on the next two chapters. But this plot-bunny just wouldn't leave me alone in Psychology, which was just unbearably boring today.

I was going to wait until my other fic was finished to do an older Brucas story, but like I said I was bored and decided to start earlier. _To Wish Impossible Things _seemed to be the perfect backdrop.

So in the next chapter expect to see Brooke ten years later, a lot older and wiser if you will.

Please review!


	2. Chapter One

_Night turns to day  
And I still have these questions  
Bridges will break  
Should I go forwards or backwards  
Night turns to day  
And I still get no answers  
Just a whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper  
A whisper, whisper, whisper_

_Coldplay, A Whisper_

**These Strange Conditions **

**1:** In the Absence of Silence

IF YOU HAD TOLD HER that she was going to be a mother years ago, Brooke would have probably laughed. Motherhood, it seemed, was one of those things that her mother didn't have to pass a long to her. In fact, parenthood with parents that she had simply didn't come as an option.

Especially when you're seventeen, alone, and scared out of your mind.

But life liked to work miracles, big and small. She wasn't going to lie. Leaving Tree Hill and Lucas and moving to London to live with her grandparents at their bed and breakfast inn was probably one of the best choices she had ever made. She missed Lucas sometimes. There was a part of her that wondered about the _what _ifs and _maybes_. But she grew to be happy here in London. Her grandparents were wonderful in helping her get ready to have her baby and she went to school too, finishing high school and taking a year off for the baby. She applied to the University of Westminster and received degrees in French and French Literature, also getting the opportunity to start teaching at the university and finding a wonderful neighborhood to raise her daughter in.

Life's greatest miracle, however, came in the seven pound, nine-ounce form of her baby girl, Sarah Elizabeth. Motherhood was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Her life had taken a complete one-eighty. It was the ultimate cliché, she supposed, but the ultimate truth. For she couldn't remember life without Sarah's laugh or the chocolate chip cookies that the two of them make every Sunday. Her daughter had taught her how to be _alive_.

Brooke was now twenty-seven, happy, and _living_ her life.

"Mummy!"

She was startled out of her musings and looked up, recognizing the whirlwind known as her daughter sprinting towards her in her mud-clad school uniform.

"Oooff!" Brooke managed out as Sarah threw her arms around her neck. She smoothed back her daughter's hair. "Tell me you at least cleaned your shoes before you came inside. Gran spent the entire day cleaning. You know how she gets."

Sarah giggled. "I know. She wasn't paying any attention, mummy."

Brooke shook her head, her eyes sparkling. "And your uniform is dirty? Didn't I just wash this last night."

"I was helping Grandpapa and James outside. Some American tourists got trapped in the mud. Grandpapa says they're stupid, but I helped to push!"

She laughed at her daughter's enthusiasm. _Always the inquisitive one_, she mused. _Probably from Lucas' side._ "Do they need help, love?"

Sarah nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh. Jamie said to come in and get you because you do school work too much. Grandma said to go get you because she thinks one of them is single."

Brooke rolled her eyes. Her Grandmother meant well. She really did. But every now and then she would through a curve ball of the opposite sex towards her. James, one of the hired help and good friend, had been a victim of her Grandmother's manipulation.

"Your Grandmother's too nosy, darling girl. Go upstairs and change," she tapped Sarah on the nose playfully. "I want to see you doing your school work when I came back in. And make sure that you bring your uniform down."

Her daughter pouted. "Do I have too?"

Brooke laughed. "Yes. And maybe if you're good, we can watch a movie?"

Sarah let out an excited whoop and flew off her mother's lap and upstairs. Brooke shook her head. The hyperactivity definitely came from her side of the family. She grabbed a sweater and put on her boots, making her way outside.

It had been raining heavily for days. Nothing like the hurricane season in the Carolinas, but it rained in London, it poured. She was glad that the university had decided to cancel class today.

"Brooke, do you know where your grandfather keeps his extra shovels?"

She shook her head at her grandmother. "No, Jamie probably knows."

"Could you go ask him?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Whatever you're planning, Gran. I'm not interested."

Her grandmother smirked impishly. "This old woman? Brooke, love, my match making days have been over for years."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."

Brooke made her way outside, pulling her sweater closer. The rain had stopped, it seemed, but the mud looked terribly thick and it was freezing outside.

"Brooke!" A tall dark-haired and handsome man waved her over. "Could use some that hidden strength you have in those legs of yours!"

She laughed and stuck her tongue out at James. "You're supposed to be the big, strong man, Jamie. What happened?"

She spotted her grandfather huddle with a small group of tourists, most likely offering them a place to stay for the night. The car must really be stuck, she mused.

"Brooke Davis! Don't make me beg!"

She was about to turn and give James a nasty reply when she froze. From the group of five, a tall man stepped out. His dirty blonde hair fell into his eyes, whose intensity she could feel from miles away. But it was the old _Scott's Body Shop_ sweatshirt that sealed the deal.

She trembled. "Lucas..."

And then everything was black.

TBC 

**A/N: **This story is just too much fun. Never fear though. Chapter six of** the Makings of a Resolution **will be posted as late as Sunday.

**Serious Fan**: There is a method to my madness. Remember Lucas is a teenager too and at the end of _To Wish Impossible Things_ he's not exactly in the happiest of mindsets. 

**Ann: **He'll learn. That's why we make mistakes.


	3. Chapter Two

_I don't mind  
I don't mind if you forget me  
Having learned my lesson  
I never left an impression on anyone  
The pressure to change, to move on  
Was strange  
And very strong  
So this is why I tell you  
I really do understand_

_Morrissey, I Don't Mind If You Forget Me_

**These Strange Conditions**

**2: **Hidden Behind These Walls

ESCAPING FROM THE DARK CORNERS OF HER MIND, Brook awoke to James' face peering down at her. Her head was pounding and she felt as if someone had dumped a ton of bricks on top of her. The warning bells in her mind were screaming. She began to rack her hazy memory for an answer to what happened. Her mind seemed to intent on refusing to acknowledge whatever happened to her.

"Jamie?" She moaned, forcing her eyes to open wider. "What happened?"

James' dark blue eyes held her gaze still, as if he were searching for the exact answer hidden within her. She hated when he looked at her like that. She had always been good at hiding things from other people, learning at a young age how to adapt to any situation that she was forced him. The walls she had built around herself took years to perfect and ever since Sarah had come into her life she had let them weakened. She sighed. The look in James' eyes and the mere intensity, she _knew_ something had happened.

"Jamie," she began, only to be cut off.

"The little one's fine. You fainted," his response was short and curt. "Who is he?"

Her eyes widened. _He?_ Suddenly, everything came back into perspective. Lucas. Lucas was here in London, in the same area. The very same Lucas that she had spent years trying to bury and forget with such a fierce desperation. Lucas, the only person she had ever given her heart.

"Who is _he_, Brooke?"

She struggled to sit up, fighting the dizzy spell that threatening to overpower her. Her heart was violently beating against her chest and she pleaded with herself not to turn into a quivering mess.

"Lucas Scott," she answered quietly, her voice echoed softly in the quiet room.

She turned away from James, wrapping her arms around herself as a protective reassurance to herself. She could feel his eyes burning holes into her back. She tried to find words to plead for James to leave her alone for a few minutes, so that she could prepare herself for what— _Lucas_, she corrected herself. She prayed that she could— _would_ find some way to rationally approach this situation.

"Lucas Scott," James repeated. "Lucas Scott. Is he the one?"

"James," she warned, half-pleading. _Why was this happening now?_

"I thought we were friends," he continued, invading her space on the bed and forcing her to turn and look at him. "I thought that we told each other everything, good and bad. But you're hiding from me, Brooke. From _me_! I don't give a bloody fuck about what or _who_ is downstairs. I want to _know_ what's going on!"

Her lips trembled and she lowered her gaze. "You don't understand, Jamie."

"I don't think you get it, Brooke. There's a group of people who are so obviously a part of your past, the very same past that you've been running away from the past ten years. And I can't help you, if you don't talk to me."

A shaky sigh escaped her lips as she buried her face in her hands. _Sarah's downstairs with Lucas_. The thought loomed over her like a bad omen. _Sarah's downstairs with Lucas and I'm sitting up here worrying about myself_. But that was what Lucas did to her, she reminded herself. There was something about him that sent her into a state of unraveling. She could never control herself emotionally and it scared her to pieces.

"Who is he, Brooke?" James' voice was soft and pleading. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her into an embrace.

Brooke inhaled slowly. "Lucas is Sarah's father," she replied quietly. "You know the story, Jamie. I was young and stupid and so— so _lost_. Sarah was the best thing that ever happened to me..."

She closed her eyes, losing herself to the slow, soothing circles he was rubbing into her back. She continued. "Lucas was the love of my life. The one person who saw past all the walls I threw around myself. He was my escape and then closed the door on me. He didn't just break my heart. He ripped it out and threw it away."

"He was your first love."

She looked up in James' eyes, guarding herself carefully. She didn't like what she was seeing. "He was my only love."

"Does he know about Sarah?"

She sighed, pulling away. "I told him," she replied, swallowing uneasily. "It was the worst day of my life. I don't think he believed me and I— I didn't want to stick around for him to find out. I was scared Jamie. We had a fallout... weeks before and I didn't want to come off vindictive, but I had to tell him. _I_ had to tell him..."

James stood up and kneeled before her, cradling her face in his large hands. A ghost of a smile made its way onto her lips. Dependable James. Her first _real_ friend. Her family.

"I want to help you," he whispered.

Her smile was sad. "No Jamie," she murmured, brushing a strand of dark hair. _Lucas was downstairs_. "This is something that I need to take care of. However, it doesn't mean that I don't need you as my _friend_."

James' eyes darkened into a stormy blue and she found herself wondering if all of this was truly meant to happen to her. Was this some curse that came with falling in love with the wrong person?

"All right," James responded quietly. "But promise me you'll talk to me if you need _anything._"

Her eyes wandered to the closed door and her thoughts lingered on what lied behind it. _Change_, she mused. _Change was supposed to be a good thing_. But what lied behind that door was a storm... a storm she was nowhere near ready for.

"I will," she found herself whispering. "I will."

The problem was that her walls were now only made of straw.

_TBC_

**A/N: **My god. I opened my email and there were all these reviews... shakes head I was completely overwhelmed— But _thank you_ guys! I can't express how much it means to me that you like this story. I apologize for the slow updating this week. I've got two stupid English papers due this week and a meeting that I've anxious to just get over with. I've just exhausted really and so excited about the season premiere tonight.

Next time: Lucas and Brooke come face to face after ten years.

**Some Reviewer Responses:**

**Kat: **grins Plot bunnies make math class go faster, I suppose. But I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Jamie? The nature of Jamie and Brooke's relationship will be revealed in due time. It's going to be a fun little love triangle...

**bibleboymary4ever: **In all honesty, I hate to admit it but I do like this story a lot better. I have a lot more freedom to play with characters and their emotional responses to things. Ah. Brooke's OOCness. Well, I think she's a bit OOC in **The Makings of a Resolution**— and within reason. Brooke's fun-loving nature hasn't be displayed yet because of the situations I've placed her in. I think in regards to circumstance she's going to react differently than what we might expect her too. Her masks seemed to place very well and think the nature that she displays on the show is more of a defense-mechanism. sighs Ranting now. Sorry. Anyhow, I'm very happy you reviewed.

**Lana: **The blue eyes were for you. grins And I've a bit partial to the dark-haired, blue-eyed boys myself. I like James and I completely agree with you about Lucas. He needs to be smacked. I will tell you this. There will be a James/Brooke/Lucas triangle. Should be good, clean fun. whistles innocently


	4. Chapter Three

_Cut this picture into you and me  
Burn it backwards kill this history  
Make it over make it stay away  
Or hate'll say the ending that love started to stay  
There's a kid a floor below me saying brother can you spare  
Sunshine for a brother old man winter's in the air  
Walked me up a story asking how you are  
Told me not to worry you were just a shooting star_

_Elliott Smith, Sweet Adeline _

**These Strange Conditions **

**3:** Drifting in Limbo

IT TOOK A SERIOUS AMOUNT OF COURAGE for Brooke to finally make her way down the old wooden stairs. Her arms were wrapped around herself protectively as she struggled with a feverish desire to run back upstairs to the comforting embrace of James'. She silently cheered as her fierce independence rose and conquered her desire. This was _her life_. She had no reason to be terrified of Lucas Scott. Ten years had been plenty of time to heal—

But there were still scars.

Some scars had already made their mark long before Lucas. Terrible scars of her parents' abandonment and broken promises had steeled her for years to come. The intensity of independence and her desire to be more than just a good mother to Sarah overrode the pain most days.

Lucas' scars on her heart were of a completely different nature. There were miles of broken promises. Lucas had taken her _heart_.

Peyton had asked her once before how he was any different from any other of her conquest back when the three of them had entered that vicious cycle of a love triangle. But she could never truly bring herself to explain her _side_ of her relationship with Lucas.

Lucas had genuinely wanted to know _her_. It was a complete mystery to her why anyone would, years of building walls and neglect had made her cautious, but Lucas had managed to break through that. It had _scared_,_ thrilled_, and left her in a wavering state of bewilderment. She is— _no_, _was_— uncontrollable when it came to Lucas Scott.

She rubbed her hands against her arms.

"Mummy! You're okay!"

The whirlwind known as her daughter barreled into her shaky embrace. "Sarah, darling— I'm fine."

The ten year-old girl looked up, tears glittering in her eyes. "You had me worried," she accused quietly. "You promised you weren't going to work too hard on vacation."

_Work_? She mused in puzzlement. _Jamie._ He must have told Sarah that she had been up late grading papers. She sighed with an emotional mix between gratefulness and irritation.

"I'm sorry, baby," she murmured, kneeling in front of her daughter. She placed her hands on her shoulders. "I didn't sleep very well last night, so I tried to grade papers to help me fall asleep. I didn't realize how tired I was. I'm sorry I scared you."

Sarah's lips trembled. "And it had nothing to do with Mr. Scott?"

Her throat caught and her eyes widened. Brooke began to feel light headed. Had someone told her something?

"Where did you hear that, darling girl?" She asked softly, brushing some hair out of Sarah's face.

"I heard Jamie and Grandma talking. Everybody's worried about you. Grandma said that Mr. Scott was asking about you. She said that he was in the library on the phone, I think. I'm sorry, Mummy, I didn't mean to listen when I—"

Sarah sniffed and Brooke forced a watery smile on her lips. She tapped her daughter on her nose. "Don't worry about it, darling girl. Listen, go upstairs and pull out the movie I promised you. See if Jamie wants to watch a movie too."

"You're going to find, Mr. Scott," her daughter said softly, accusations empty from her voice.

She stood, giving her daughter a reassuring smile. "I'll tell you about it later," she offered half-heartily. _Much later_, she added silently. _When you're older. _"I just want to apologize to Mr. Scott and his friends for scaring them. I'll be back."

Sarah nodded her acceptance and ran up the stairs, yelling for Jamie to get a head start on picking a movie. Brooke allowed herself a real smile. There wasn't a day that hadn't gone by that she hadn't thanked God for her daughter. In fact, her daughter was probably the sole reason she had even remotely started to go back to church.

"Brooke."

She stiffened, staring straight ahead and preparing herself for the worst. Subconsciously, she began to chant his name as if she were a little girl wishing the boogey man away. _Lucas, Lucas, Lucas... _Her heart began to beat in symphony with her chanting mantra.

_Go away. Go away. Go away._

She turned around and forced herself to focus on a spot his head. She knew that if she met his gaze, she would crumble.

"Lucas," she breathed shakily, cursing at her lack of control. She pulled her sweater closer to her body, wishing that she wasn't standing in front of her past and that she somewhere away— with _Jamie_, _Sarah_, _anybody_.

She needed sanctuary.

"That's it?"

Her eyes widened incredulously. "What do you mean that's it?"

It was then that she made the mistake of meeting his gaze. She couldn't pull away. It was almost surreal, she mused dazedly. These were the very eyes that had haunted her through the first couple years of her bitter loneliness. The very same eyes that always seemed to know _her_.

"Brooke, I do—"

She snapped out of her daze and threw her hands up. "We do you expect me to say, Lucas? It's been _ten years_. Ten _Years_. Since you obviously know what to say why don't you tell me?"

He didn't answer, staring at her with a hooded gaze. It was then when she began to see bits of Sarah in him. The same sandy-brown hair the stubbornly falling over his eyes, the well-defined lines of his features, and—

_His smile._

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm not going about this the right way."

She shook her head. "I don't even know why I—"

He grabbed her arm, stopping her early rant.

"I've spent the last ten years missing you, Brooke."

She found she had lost all ability to speak.

TBC 

**A/N:** There's a method to my madness, I promise. I'm actually musing on incorporating some aspects of the season premiere into the fic, but we'll see. Keep all those lovely review coming, guys! I can't thank you enough.

I'm glad people seem to be liking Jamie. I'm having fun with him. Brooke needs an all-around dependable guy...

Next time: Brooke and Lucas attempt to talk despite the countless interruptions.


End file.
